Rates of sexual harassment in medicine exceed all other fields of science, technology, engineering, mathematics, and medicine (STEMM). When women speak out about sexism or sexual harassment in these workplaces, they are often met with the “nice guy” defense: “He didn’t mean anything by that. He’s a good guy. This response downplays, excuses, or deflects a man’s harassing or sexist behavior by appealing to the usefulness of this commonly used phrase. By calling someone a “good guy” as a justifiable defense, men and medical institutions are offering an endorsement of the offender’s moral character, suggesting his innocence and signaling his loyalty. But the “nice guy” defense serves two prominent functions: enlightening women and empowering the criminal.
We need to change workplace cultures from one that protects and perpetuates sexism and misogyny to one that highlights men as true allies. There are five ways to bring back the term “nice guys.” First, improve your situational awareness. Second, control your urge to enlighten others. Third, hold other men accountable. Fourth, reinforce positive behaviour. Finally, embed conversations about championing the “good guy” into your organization’s culture.
The anatomy professor surveyed the room of medical students and college women. Based on the majority group of women, he joked out loud: “I should be careful or this could be a #MeToo moment.” He pointed to the pelvic dummies placed in the spread-legged position. They served as training simulators for examinations of the cervix, uterus, and ovary. He smiled at the students and gestured to the plastic models, “Don’t worry, you won’t have to do this position.” Later, a male supervisor, who was informed of the anatomy professor’s demeanor, described him as a friend of decades, saying, “Oh, he didn’t mean anything by that. He’s a good guy.
At a national committee meeting, a female physician proposed a policy on patient safety and the challenges of hospital overcrowding. She presented data and suggested language for the committee statement. Her male colleague interrupted her presentation midway, talked about her and usurped the conversation. He called her naive, inexperienced and an ineffective communicator, despite her 10 years of experience in the practice. Six colleagues witnessed the heated verbal exchange, including her personal attacks. They remained silent. The meeting ended and the committee chairman brushed her aside: “Don’t take it personally. Give him some slack. I know you didn’t mean it. He’s a good guy.
These two vignettes are compositions, based on true stories, that illustrate a common strategy to enable and protect perpetrators of sexism and sexual harassment. Rates of sexual harassment in medicine exceed all other fields of science, technology, engineering, mathematics, and medicine (STEMM). Although women constitute majority of healthcare workforce, majority of healthcare leaders are men. The culture of academic medicine in particular is historically permissive of sexual harassment and prejudice perpetuated by men. Furthermore, the atmosphere of backlash and retaliation makes it challenging for women to speak up. Research Suggests that men do not condone sexist behaviour, but at the same time are reluctant to confront other men. Reasons include fear of coward’s penalty (being seen as a coward or weak by other men) or violating the brother code. This unspoken rule of behavior governs many male-male relationships, both personal and professional, and perpetuates a sexist culture in the workplace, forcing men to support other men, including their bad behavior, at all costs.
We define the “nice guy” defense as minimizing, excusing, or deflecting a man’s sexist or harassing behavior by appealing to the usefulness of this commonly used phrase. By calling someone a “good guy” as a justifiable defense, men and medical institutions are offering an endorsement of the offender’s moral character, suggesting his innocence and signaling his loyalty. The “good guy” defense serves two main functions: gas light women and empower the offender.
When a woman is interrupted, fired, made to feel incompetent, sexually harassed, and later decides to share her experiences, it is very common for men… more often than women — respond with invalidating statements. In our experience these might include: “I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by that”, “Oh but he has daughters”, “Oh but he mentors women all the time”, “He flirts with everyone”. ” and “It’s not a big deal; You are being too sensitive. Men often overlook harassing behavior with statements like, “He doesn’t know any better” or “Things were different when he was training.” Referring to a man’s character or old age as get out of jail free card robs you of the opportunity to help him overcome a blind spot in his leadership.
Each of these commonly related feelings challenges the legitimacy of the woman’s experience. As bad as these lines are, they actually pale in comparison to “she’s a nice guy.” This phrase inherently shifts the conversation to the character of the perpetrator, implying that a good man in other contexts could only have pretended to be good behavior in this particular situation. Responding for a man’s kindness also disarms the victim and undermines a woman’s ability to hold the harasser accountable.
A second problem with the “nice guy” defense is that it prevents the offender from being held accountable, while at the same time perpetuating a misogynistic culture in which women feel devalued and insecure. Motivations for dismissing a colleague’s behavior include reluctance to have difficult conversations with repeat offenders, discomfort acknowledging that a good colleague has behaved inappropriately or illegally, fear of violating sexist workplace norms, or even the anxiety. Calling attention to this behavior can make men feel self-conscious about their own previous embarrassing or inappropriate behavior. Whatever the motivation, allowing bad actors to perpetuate a toxic culture of bullying.
The “good guy” defense is common In medicine, but it is not the only field with this problem. A to study on allowing perpetrators of sexual harassment in various organizations uncovered “networks of complicity”. In other words, perpetrators surround themselves with networks of colleagues who downplay and excuse their behavior. Publicly, we have seen the “nice guy” defense used to excuse sexism and sexually harassing behavior by men in the Cinema industry, professional sportsY politics. Yet the medical profession has inadvertently cultivated and amplified the “good boy” defense through a reverence for the history and tradition of medicine, long dominated by men. Even the strongest, bravest and most resilient women can stop talking when they see these false “good guys” being systematically protected.
We can do better. We need to change workplace cultures from one that protects and perpetuates sexism and misogyny to one that highlights men as true allies. Male leaders must set an example for younger generations of leaders. They can start by validating women’s experiences and go on to eliminate the “nice guy” as their knee-jerk defense. Here are five ways we can start to bring the term back “good guys”:
Improve your situational awareness.
Learn how to identify sexist behavior, more specifically, bullying. Research on the mitigation of bystander effect reveals that noticing and correctly labeling behavior is a key first step. Men, in particular, can deliberately build gender intelligence by reading and learning the data through rigorously conducted reporting, such as McKinsey Women in the Workplace 2021 and the Sexual Harassment of Women 2018 Report from the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine. Start by checking with the target for this behavior when you witness it. This validates your experience. For example, I noticed that her manager dismissed her experience and that of the other women in the meeting. It seems sexist to me. Am I reading this right?
Control your own urge to gaslight.
The next time a colleague reports a sexist or harassing encounter, make sure that nothing you say could lead her to believe that you are misreading the perpetrator’s behavior or exaggerating their proportion. Try something like: I think. From what you’ve described, that behavior doesn’t seem appropriate. Can you tell me more and can I team up with you to address it? These responses offer support while allowing you to gather more information about the occurrence.
hold other men accountable.
Actively confronting other men about sexism, prejudice, harassment, and all manner of inappropriate behavior can be the most difficult part of the male alliance. But it is essential to eliminate the “good guy” defense. Don’t tell the victim of bullying or misogyny that the perpetrator is a “nice guy.” Address the behavior with the man in question. We call this the versus care, contextualizing the confrontation as an act of affection on the part of a friend or colleague. Try: That comment was inappropriate and demeaning. I found it offensive and clearly offensive to our female colleagues. I know you can do better. Alternatively, you could say, You and I have known each other for a long time and we are friends. I heard what you said/what you did. We don’t do that here. You need to make amends and be more respectful..
use positive reinforcement.
Reinforcing people, especially men, for desired workplace behaviors (eg, stopping sexism and harassment and holding others accountable) is a powerful motivator. Try: I really appreciated when you talked about our co-worker’s inappropriate and offensive joke. everyone saw what you did and had a positive effect on the team. Of course, reinforcement can have the added value of influencing others when done in public. For example, Thanks for saying that. I also felt uncomfortable with that comment and I agree that that is not what we do here.
Embed these conversations into your organization’s culture.
When the “nice guy” defense prevails, engage team members in discussions about the impact this phrase has on people. Encourage others to share their experiences with the “good guy” defense and why we should abandon it. Include vignettes or examples of the “good guy” defense in training programs. Leaders across the organization need regular exposure and updating of best practices, so they can better handle these situations. Inclusion in high-visibility programs demonstrates a commitment to improving workplace culture.
The time has come to ask leaders, managers and passers-by to stand up up and end the “good guy” defense. This an ethical and professional responsibility to do it. It’s time to bring back the term “nice guy.” Instead of a tool to enable and protect the status quo, we must insist that it be used as an aspirational goal for men who collaborate with women to create a respectful, dignified and inclusive workplace.