I’m not sure what the answer would have been to the question “What are the odds that you’ll have two pieces of content today, Dater, that will add what two Avalanche players said on podcasts recently,” but I probably would, so Conservatively, figure it to be 10,000-1 or so. And yet here we are. Avalanche D-man Josh Manson was on a podcast called “Sports Spectrum” and I, for one, thought it was great. To listen to the full episode, Click here.
It’s a podcast about the intersection of sport and faith, something that interests me a lot these days. I think one of my big problems in recent years has been letting my own spiritual feelings and beliefs take a backseat to more mundane issues like career and status and all that other stuff. And, I’m still in a big fight/crossroads about all of this. I’m just not an easy convert/herd member. I have serious questions about everything, why are we here, why are things the way they are, why is the world so unfair, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.
A quick story: When I was 21, I moved from NH to Cape Cod for a summer. My girlfriend at the time, Sheila, was in love with the Lord and so was I suddenly. We went to a charismatic church together and I tried speaking in tongues and things like that. Basically, I started out trying to impress her in all of this, of course. I am thankful that there are no videos of my cell phone trying to speak in tongues, because I had no idea what I was doing or what it meant.
But here’s the thing: I’ve always been very interested in spiritual matters. I went to church with my mom when I was a kid and got to know more about the Bible, ironically, thanks to a movie my dad made with Johnny Cash called “The Way of the Gospel”. It is the literal story of the Bible, all the way to the crucifixion, shot on location in Israel and financed by Mr. Cash himself. It remains a cult classic. My dad filmed something, did the sound and also played the role of Nicodemus.
(If you look at the movie credits on this original vintage 1973 movie poster, you’ll see my father’s name there)
Despite being mystified by the speaking in tongues part, I was really hooked. My interest in God, Jesus, and the Bible was rekindled and, as I tend to do with anything I’m interested in, I really immersed myself in it. I read many books, including the Bible, and began to feel that all of this would become the central part of my life. And that felt good. I liked the feeling of “I’m going to live forever in heaven, so why worry about paying my rent this month?” Things like that.
Sheila and I eventually broke up, but God and the meaning of it all have never been far from my mind. However, I was very disappointed by some fellow church members, who said that if I didn’t drop out of college and just go work for the Lord, even if it just meant packing groceries all day at my local supermarket, I would burn Hell and not do God’s wishes. I thought, ‘God wants more from me than that’ and basically told the parishioners to leave.
But I want to know what, if anything, comes after we leave this mortal body. For a long time I was afraid of dying young. For example: In my early days of covering Avalanche for the denver mailI literally worried sick to death that I would die in a plane crash and that my dream job would end before it really started.
For example, I would stress out for at least two full days before any flight I had scheduled. If we run into any kind of turbulence, I immediately cover my face with one hand and think: “That’s it. We’re going down. Usually I just waited, but not before my blood pressure went up about 50 points. A couple of times I got so scared that I really needed the flight attendants to intervene. Usually just them talking to me would help me. But at least once, a flight attendant handed me a couple of those little bottles of wine and told me to drink them.
As an older man of 57 now, I actually have little fear of flying now, or actually dying. For me, and I’m just speaking for myself, once I hit 50 I stopped caring so much about stuff like that. “I’ve lived a good life, mostly achieved a lot of the things I wanted to achieve,” I told myself, and if everything ended at that moment, it would be fine. We’re all going to die at some point, you know.
My problem is: I transfer worry to other things. Regrets. Beating myself up, over and over and over, for past mistakes. Punishing me for some slip of the tongue, or some other undesirable thing. If there’s any chance he’ll punish me for some imperfect moment, I’ll do it. That explains part of my current mindset, which I’ve hinted at recently. I think I’ll be fine, but it’s been a real struggle lately.
However, I don’t want you to think that I’m looking for compliments by saying this. That would actually only make me feel worse. I think I have so much time for God to be proud of me, and right now I don’t think he’s there.
That is what really worries me. But it’s so hard. I just can’t be one of those people who accepts everything and doesn’t question it. For me, I have a very difficult time with questions to God like, “Why do little children starve, God? Why do you allow that to happen, if you are so kind and compassionate and do not give anyone “more than they can take”?
I am not very satisfied with the response I am getting from clergy and others on that question. “Well, it’s just God’s plan.” Well, I’m sorry, but that’s a shitty plan then. Children literally die from all kinds of horrible things: torture, starvation, neglect, abuse, and I just have to accept that it’s God’s Plan for that to happen to them in their time on earth, but a bubble-headed idiot lives a long life of comfort and riches and “sin” and yet they go to Heaven too, if they only ask for a mulligan on their deathbed?
I’m sorry, but that’s illogical. And yet I definitely believe there is a God. There is NO CHANCE that this whole earth and universe just happened, without some intelligent design. Zero. Zipper. Any. Any.
Go ask an atheist ever how the Big Bang started, and you’ll get a look of “I have no idea.” Yeah, sorry, but that’s bad science. Tell me how something was created from scratch and duplicated in a lab and give me a call. That’s where faith comes in. I just have questions about God’s Plan, I guess. But not too many. I think it’s all beyond our human comprehension now, and we’ll know what it is one day, or we won’t. But I think we will.
Which brings me to Josh Manson’s words on the podcast. Some highlights:
- When he was put into a period of uncertainty, whether or not the Anaheim Ducks would actually trade him at the trade deadline, as the team’s new GM hinted to him, he put it all in God’s hands. “God is always there with you, but that’s when you start to lean a little more and have to trust Him a lot. ‘What does the future hold? Well, I don’t know, but you know. That was a big part, that couple of weeks before the trade deadline, really leaning into Him and just sitting back, but the anxiety hits, the stress hits. Just let it all flow and trust Him.”
- “Where I ended up, it ended up being a huge blessing. Part of God’s plan. Little did I know at the time.”
- “They were hungry to win. … It was hard to get that winning feeling back, but when I walked into the locker room it was “We want to win”.
- “There were some questions to (God) as to why? I think he would be lying if he said, ‘Why did it have to be like this?’ I think our plan was to stay in Anaheim. We enjoyed where we were, we had a house there and we made a lot of friends, we put a lot of time and energy and blood, sweat and tears into that organization. We wanted to stay. And so, there was a bit of that ‘why? Why do we move, God? Why is this happening?’ And then it became, ‘Well, okay, look at the opportunity he’s presenting to you, in front of us.’”
- “So, it was like, ‘OK, sit back, let it happen, trust what’s going to happen.’ But that’s an easy thing to do. And there were a lot of challenges with that, and a lot of prayer and a lot of reflection and talking to God and just trying to listen and have faith in what his plan would be.”
- Manson said he doesn’t swear in the locker room, which is tough. Everybody swears in a hockey locker room. Some teammates started noticing that and thought he was “cool” in some way.
- Manson said he read the Bible every day of the playoffs. He read for 30 minutes after lunch every day.
- He said those two months into the playoffs were “the most conversations I’ve ever had with God, I think, in my life.”
I know that some people here will automatically criticize me for being “religious”. I am NOT here to preach and judge and all that. I just wanted to share what I feel, in the context of what another avalanche the player feels.
